Sunday, January 24, 2010

Mancave Beautification Project # 2: A Childhood Hero Tells Me The Time

My second project is a small one: My room needs a nice clock to go right there above the light switch:

So let me introduce you to Ralph Hinckley, the "Greatest American Hero":


"The Greatest American Hero" was one of my favorite shows to watch as a little kid with my Dad. He would lay down on the couch and curl his legs, and I would sit behind his legs and call it "my nest."

So I ordered some clock parts and a clock engine, bought a circular piece of wood from Michaels, then used my wife's Cricut with the "Sure Cuts A Lot" software to cut out some paper shapes to glue to the circular base. Finally I painted the frame, sealed and lacquered the whole thing, put together the clock-bits, and here is the result, The Greatest American Clock:



Two projects down, two to go.

Mancave Beautification Project # 1: From Russia With Love

As I said in my last post, the decor for my mancave is going to be mostly themed on the retro stuff that I loved as a kid (and still love). My first project was my biggest one, themed shelves to go around that nice TV.

Here is the TV when it was naked:

Nice TV, ugly space, let's nerdify that spot! I wanted shelves to hold DVDs, Books, and other decor, but I wanted the shelves themselves to add to the overall theme of my room, so I took the best thing to ever come out of Russia:

And I drew up some plans:

I love video games. I love Russia (lived there as a missionary for my church). These shelves would be perfect.
So, you can wipe that smile off your face Mr. Plank,

'cuz I'm about to go all Silar on you and cut off the top of your head so I can take your powers... and build you into shelves.

Initiate building pictures sequence!
THE WOOD CUTTING!


THE BUILDING OF THE SHAPES!

THE SCREWING OF PIECES TOGETHER!!

LOOKIN' VERY NICE INDEED!!!!

AND!!!
The finished product, I beveled the edges so that the individual shapes would stand out:

Let's get all panoramic on this for the money-shot:

A closely shot panorama warps things a bit, but you get the picture. By far the coolest thing I've ever built.

Friday, January 22, 2010

My Mancave, My Canvas.

Durring my time in pharmacy school, when my wife and I would go looking at houses and dream of our future home, one of the things I negotiated for was my own space, for my stuff, that I had complete control over. My wife could decide how the rest of the house looked, all I cared about was an entertainment room, that I could fill with my own decor, and would serve as a place for movie nights, gaming, and chillin'.

So my mancave was born. Right now, it is a simple place, with a nice TV, gaming consoles, a computer, and a busted up little entertainment console. So it serves its purpose well, allowing the family to play games, watch movies (including Netflix and Hulu, streamed to the TV), and the huge, wicked-awesome bean-bag chair my sister made for me serves as a great pad for some serious WWE style throw-downs between my boys and I.

The purpose for this post is not to let you all know that I have a preety cool little mancave. The purpose is to serve as a before shot, as in, "This is what my mancave looked like before it exploded into awesomeness."

I have long known that the decor would be themed on the retro, nerdy stuff that I like (or loved as a kid). Unfortunately, no one makes furniture or art to suit my nerdy needs, so I am building this stuff myself (which means that I am a manly nerd, because I build stuff out of wood, and also, I wear Old Spice deoderant).

So I give you the before shots, here is my canvas:





A partial view of the seating...





Front and side views of the tv and busted up console...



The exit.

Stay tuned for some future posts, each one highlighting a project or two on the beautification and manly nerdification of my man cave.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

If You Eat Like This, You Will Die.

I have posted and reposted the following video, many times on many blogs and websites. Because I love it. A lot.


Tonight I repost it yet again, because as much as it cracks me up, there are people out there that would LOVE it if this was real. Tonight my wife introduced me to this website: This is Why You're Fat.

Following are a few of the REAL LIFE foods taken from the site that future cardiac patients all over the U.S. are really eating. WARNING: I mouth vomited several times while grabbing these pictures. If you want to eat ANYTHING that you see here, seek help immediately.


A burger topped with five slices of bacon, four slices of cheese, two fried eggs, mayo, lettuce, tomato, and onion between two grilled cheese sandwiches.


Bottom: pumpkin pie inside a spice cake, middle: apple pie inside a yellow cake, top: cherry pie inside a white cake, all surrounded by cream cheese frosting.


Chocolate Covered Bacon Maple Donut Bar



Thanksgiving Leftovers Sandwich
Leftover turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, corn, cranberry sauce, mac & cheese, spinich balls, puerto rican rice, brussel sprouts, pearl onions, bacon, white castle hamburgers and ravioli inside a foot long bun.



The Bodybag
Three hamburger patties, ham, salami, cappicola, pepperoni, provolone, american cheese, two eggs, french fries, coleslaw and hot sauce, on a whole loaf of italian bread.


Cheetos Coated In Strawberry Yogurt Glaze



The Scotch MegaEgg
20 hard-boiled eggs wrapped in bacon and covered in sausage meat and breading, baked whole.

I'm sorry, that's all my stomach can handle. Please visit the website I got these from if you desire more torture, or recipes.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Behind the Scenes: A Close Look at the Life and Death of One of Hollywood's Greatest Stars

His acting has inspired both children and adults for years. Few there be who do not remember the actor who taught us to be open about the things we love. But, did he love a little too much? Today more details have been released about actor Alistair Cookie, who was found dead outside his Beverly Hills mansion earlier this week. Alistair was more widely known to the public as "Cookie Monster."


Alistair was born in humble circumstances in the small to of Skaneateles, New York to Samuel and Gertrude Cookie.

Gertrude made the living for the family by running the family business, a bakery called Cookie's Shop. Samuel was the town werewolf and terrorizer. It was said that Alistair inherited his sweet tooth from his mom, and his ravenous appetite from his dad. Though his mother often told him of how he reminded her of his dad, Alistair would never see for himself the personality and character of his father. Shortly after Alistair's birth, Samuel was gunned down by an angry mob for once again eating one-third of the town's population in a single night. The mob used silver bullets.

Alistair's mother was never the same after the death of her husband, but she did her best to support her only son. She continued to earn a living by running the bakery throughout Alistair's youth. The bakery seemed to benefit from a sudden surge in business once people stopped being eaten after ordering some cupcakes. Alistair grew up in the apartment above the bakery, and according to him, life was good. "Me get cookie, whenever me want." Alistair once said in an interview with Time magazine, when asked about his childhood. But despite this, he hungered for something more. At the age of 17 Alistair parted ways with his mother, and set off to make his own living.

Over the next few years, Alistair bounced from job to job in several states working mostly in a janitorial capacity, before settling in California, where he landed a gig wrestling for the WWE.

It was here that he got the nickname "The Monster" and met a man named Jim Henson (a huge fan of the WWE), who offered him a job as a security guard on the set of a new show called "Sesame Street." It didn't take long for the producers to find that Alistair had other talents, yet unseen.

During the filming of an early episode, Alistair saved the production by stepping in for Guy Smiley, who was supposed to present the letter "C," but was detained by customs in Jamaica after doing a special report on some of the local vegetation. What followed landed Alistair the career of a lifetime as the "Cookie Monster" on one of the most beloved shows in America.


When asked what he thought about landing his acting job, Alistair replied, "Me get cookie, whenever me want." Unfortunately, no one realized at the time that what they thought was untapped genius, was really a cry for help from someone suffering from a debilitating obsession.

Over the next several years, Alistair quickly rose in popularity until he had become one of the most famous actors of our time. His career on Sesame street has offered him many opportunities from other acting jobs, to product endorsements.

Before he knew it, this humble son of a baker and a man-eating werewolf had become one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors.


Alistair seemed to enjoy his fame and fortune often being quoted by his interviewers as saying, "Me get cookie, whenever me want."

Unfortunately, as with most cases, his fame and fortune only served to worsen his already disabling addiction. Fellow cast member Snuffalufagus recently told reporters, "I think we just didn't want to accept that he had a problem. We were all in denial, and the kids really loved watching him eat those cookies." It wasn't until the show's budget was reviewed by its executives that people were willing to admit there was a problem. The following scene overshot the show's cookie budget by about 1 million dollars. Below is the final cut:


The final straw for fellow cast-mate Grover was when Alistair didn't show up for taping. "I thought the worst," Grover said, "I immediately ran to his trailer, where I found him passed out."


It wasn't until one of Alistair's binges caused the cancellation of the Shrek & Sesame Street Crossover Special, that an intervention was held.


Unfortunately, no matter how much his friends tried to convince him that he needed help, Alistair's denial was stronger than their counsel. "Me no get cookie, whenever me want," was often heard when his friends tried to talk to him about the issue.

So the problem continued, unknown to us his faithful fans, until his death earlier this week. Below we have the exclusive first-released photo of the scene outside the Cookie Estate where he was found.


While the coroner's reports have still not yet been released to the public, so the exact cause of his death is still "unknown," the list of prescription and over-the-counter medications Alistair was taking before his death is extensive, and can be found below.

Lantus- to control blood sugar
Humalog- to control blood sugar
Metformin- to control blood sugar
Nair- for hair removal
Simvastatin- for high cholesterol
Glipizide- to control blood sugar
Aciphex- for heart burn
Simethicone- to control gas
Januvia- to control blood sugar
Lactaid- for lactose intolerance
Byetta- to control blood sugar
Restasis- for chronic dry eyes

While the cause of Alistair Cookie's tragic, early death may still be marked "unknown," this reporter feels that it is safe to assume that the cookies probably had something to do with it.

Friday, January 1, 2010

On Emoticons

Personally I'm not a huge fan of emoticons. I don't like that I sometimes feel compelled to put a little smiley at the end of a post to let people know that I'm joking, so that I won't offend someone who is sensitive. People should just get my sense of humor. I do.
Scott Fahlman is the man credited with inventing the smiley emoticon back in 1982, to help distinguish serious message board posts from jokes.


His original message:

19-Sep-82 11:44    Scott E  Fahlman             :-)
From: Scott E Fahlman
 I propose that the following character sequence for joke markers:
:-)
Read it sideways.  Actually, it is probably more economical to mark
things that are NOT jokes, given current trends.  For this, use
:-(


Emoticons could be cool though, if they were used as an expression of art. There those out there who, like me, use what are called "emoticons" as art, instead of a quick way to say "Please don't get mad at what I wrote." Here's my latest work:
: -|
That is a portrait of the "inventor of the smiley" himself, Scott Fahlman. There's a lot to be learned from a portrait like that. Notice how the smiley man, isn't really smiling. When you look at my portrait, you probably sense the conflict inside the man who belittled such a sacred art form forever.

For further evidence, here is a truly inspirational piece written 10 whole years before Fahlman "invented" the smiley.


Talk about an emotional roller coaster. I don't know about you, but when the bubble popped, oh man! I totally didn't see that one coming!

=^)

...That was not an emoticon... it was a self portrait. :)

...Ok, That one WAS an emoticon.