Alistair was born in humble circumstances in the small to of Skaneateles, New York to Samuel and Gertrude Cookie.
Gertrude made the living for the family by running the family business, a bakery called Cookie's Shop. Samuel was the town werewolf and terrorizer. It was said that Alistair inherited his sweet tooth from his mom, and his ravenous appetite from his dad. Though his mother often told him of how he reminded her of his dad, Alistair would never see for himself the personality and character of his father. Shortly after Alistair's birth, Samuel was gunned down by an angry mob for once again eating one-third of the town's population in a single night. The mob used silver bullets.
Alistair's mother was never the same after the death of her husband, but she did her best to support her only son. She continued to earn a living by running the bakery throughout Alistair's youth. The bakery seemed to benefit from a sudden surge in business once people stopped being eaten after ordering some cupcakes. Alistair grew up in the apartment above the bakery, and according to him, life was good. "Me get cookie, whenever me want." Alistair once said in an interview with Time magazine, when asked about his childhood. But despite this, he hungered for something more. At the age of 17 Alistair parted ways with his mother, and set off to make his own living.
Over the next few years, Alistair bounced from job to job in several states working mostly in a janitorial capacity, before settling in California, where he landed a gig wrestling for the WWE.
It was here that he got the nickname "The Monster" and met a man named Jim Henson (a huge fan of the WWE), who offered him a job as a security guard on the set of a new show called "Sesame Street." It didn't take long for the producers to find that Alistair had other talents, yet unseen.
During the filming of an early episode, Alistair saved the production by stepping in for Guy Smiley, who was supposed to present the letter "C," but was detained by customs in Jamaica after doing a special report on some of the local vegetation. What followed landed Alistair the career of a lifetime as the "Cookie Monster" on one of the most beloved shows in America.
Over the next several years, Alistair quickly rose in popularity until he had become one of the most famous actors of our time. His career on Sesame street has offered him many opportunities from other acting jobs, to product endorsements.
Before he knew it, this humble son of a baker and a man-eating werewolf had become one of Hollywood's most eligible bachelors.
Alistair seemed to enjoy his fame and fortune often being quoted by his interviewers as saying, "Me get cookie, whenever me want."
Unfortunately, as with most cases, his fame and fortune only served to worsen his already disabling addiction. Fellow cast member Snuffalufagus recently told reporters, "I think we just didn't want to accept that he had a problem. We were all in denial, and the kids really loved watching him eat those cookies." It wasn't until the show's budget was reviewed by its executives that people were willing to admit there was a problem. The following scene overshot the show's cookie budget by about 1 million dollars. Below is the final cut:
It wasn't until one of Alistair's binges caused the cancellation of the Shrek & Sesame Street Crossover Special, that an intervention was held.
Unfortunately, no matter how much his friends tried to convince him that he needed help, Alistair's denial was stronger than their counsel. "Me no get cookie, whenever me want," was often heard when his friends tried to talk to him about the issue.
So the problem continued, unknown to us his faithful fans, until his death earlier this week. Below we have the exclusive first-released photo of the scene outside the Cookie Estate where he was found.
While the coroner's reports have still not yet been released to the public, so the exact cause of his death is still "unknown," the list of prescription and over-the-counter medications Alistair was taking before his death is extensive, and can be found below.
Lantus- to control blood sugar
Humalog- to control blood sugar
Metformin- to control blood sugar
Nair- for hair removal
Simvastatin- for high cholesterol
Glipizide- to control blood sugar
Aciphex- for heart burn
Simethicone- to control gas
Januvia- to control blood sugar
Lactaid- for lactose intolerance
Byetta- to control blood sugar
Restasis- for chronic dry eyes
While the cause of Alistair Cookie's tragic, early death may still be marked "unknown," this reporter feels that it is safe to assume that the cookies probably had something to do with it.
2 comments:
Dylan saw the picture of Cookie lying on the ground and got all upset that he was hurt, thanks Josh, now I know that I have to be more careful what posts of your I read with him around. ;)
I guess it's a good thing I photoshopped the trail of blood out of that picture then.
Post a Comment